A Crack in Confidence

Day 18 - A Picture of Your Biggest Insecurity

For those of you who know me, I often times find it difficult to open up about things. This was a semi-challenge for me to write on this blog about something that really bothers me deep down. What I am most insecure about is my body image.

So have you ever seen a cute guy and wanted to talk to him? If you know me, have you ever wondered why I don't waltz right up and say something? Have you ever gone into a store and dreaded trying something on, despite your love for shopping? If you know me, have you ever wondered why I neglect to try stuff on in stores around you? The answer is simple, I do not see myself as beautiful.

Now before the lectures come out from the blogger world, let me explain. I was the skinniest kid in the world when I was younger. Somewhere between childhood and teenage life, my grandparents watched me often, and very few people cared about what I ate. Although I do not know for certain, this is how I believe my weight problem came into play. I have been insecure about my body for years, because none of my friends were the same size as me. It was heartbreaking for me as I began college to see all of my friends borrowing each others clothes, all the while knowing there was no way in the world I could ever do something like that.

It is incredibly difficult for me to deal with my body image. I have been working on losing weight for about a year to no success. In one semester I only managed to loose five pounds, not a great start. It is my life goal to finally shed at least fifty pounds and feel incredible about my body... but quite honestly that will not be able to be accomplished for years to come at this rate. I am still a confident person, when it comes to personality. I am willing to talk with anyone who wants to talk or listen or joke, etc etc. But I have always had a problem with the way my body looks.