The Evening Star

Once upon a time there lived a young princess. Each night she would gaze out her window and wish upon the evening star that every dream within her heart would come true. As she grew older, the wishing grew less and less until the evening star was nothing but a lingering hope within the distance.

Fairy tales are the hope of every young girl. To find that perfect someone and share a happily ever after with them. Tomorrow my Big sister of Alpha Phi begins her happily ever after with her long awaited Prince Charming. It is hard for me to believe that after all this time of wishing on stars and coordinating weddings that I finally am blessed of watching  those closest to me experience the happiness that goes along with them. But beyond the fantasy of it all, the reality dwells deep within my mind.

Tonight as I drove home from my second wedding rehearsal, music played in the background and I stared out into the starry night sky. And sure enough the evening star found it's way into my view, even if it was in my rear view mirror. At twenty one, I still hold on to that dream, of one day finding someone. But honestly, as of now, my life is still something I'm in the process of figuring out. How can I possibly expect to allow someone in, if I am still searching for an understanding of myself? Someday I'll be ready for that step in my life, but for now I remained blessed to watch the two women closest in my life, my Glinda and my Big Sister, find their own happily ever after.

Now it is on to a new chapter in life. A chapter where the young princess reliqueshes a connection with her other princess friends as they begin a new chapter with their Prince Charming's. A chapter where the young princess will begin to branch out on her own, establishing herself, and accomplishing dreams that she wished upon the evening star for decades. Each princess has their own journey, and this one hopes that their paths continue to cross for years and years. Until then, let their happily ever afters take place with an enchanted "I Do". And let the young princess gaze out her window once more to "I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight."

Peter Pan Syndrome

Second star to the right and straight on till morning. If only finding Neverland were so simple. It is difficult for me to understand how time has flown so quickly by, how in one moment I'm walking down the isle as a three year old flower girl and the next a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding. When did I grow up?

Age is simple when boiled down. Year by year we progress, move forward in our lives. Yet in this moment, the eve of a wedding, the actuality of age hits me. In one year I have left my University home, sought a full time career, prepared to buy an apartment, and witnessed (or will witness) the engagements and marriages of multiple friends. What ever happened to listening to boy bands or playing with dolls?

The future is exciting, in ways. I look forward to having a classroom of my own, and yet the uncertainty of not knowing every detail of life becomes a terror unlike anything I have ever faced. Whats more, the pressure of the future has left me in question. Not of my career, not of myself, but perhaps of ties in the past left loose without a proper ending. It becomes the question of "have I known the answer all along, yet was too blind to acknowledge the truth?" Perhaps the answer is yes, but then again that certainty will only come with time. Time and days gone by. Days gone by to months, then years. To think of growing up, of letting everything in my comfort zone dissipate.... it's the most terrifying and exciting sensation.

The Need for Independence

Four weeks. Days, months, years have passed and the schooling has come to an end. Nineteen years of education, twenty one years of life and the moment of graduation has finally arrived. Words of congratulations, whispers of the future; they try to tell me how to feel. How do I feel about graduation? Not even I am sure.

On the cliched graduate side, the need for freedom, the yearning to break free from the classroom walls is at my fingertips. I finally enter a world without professors lingering papers, without meetings and practices beckoning for my attendance. The opportunity to move out arises. Many new chances for freedom... and yet...

To leave a world that I have known for 19 years. To leave a place that I established as a home after 4 long years. To leave relationships to the dependence of communication from a distance. To leave ends untied, with lingering "what ifs". Two words enter my mind : heartbreaking & terrifying.  

I want to feel at ease, as though life will continually work to my benefit. To feel that this is the life I had always dreamed, where I can accomplish anything. Yet instead I'm left looking into a dark abyss, with no idea of what the future holds. 

One Step Closer

I couldn't be further from Florida. Geographically yes, but mentally I'm as distant as one could be. When I was in Florida for student teaching, I was the happiest I ever remember being in my life. Student teaching went so well, with a mentor I could relate to, a family who treated me like their own daughter, and a community that was so heartwarming and welcoming. 17 hours later and I've arrived in Ohio.... and all of that happiness, all of that peace of mind was left to dry out and wilt in the southern sunlight.

I find now that I am more frustrated... more willing to run away and never speak to my family again that I ever have been. For 21 years I lived a life knowing that they were there for me, that I was loved, that I was their child or sibling who would do anything for them. For 4 years in college I've been led to believe that student teaching would be the greatest and most rewarding experience in my life. For 2 years I believed my sorority sisters would be there to help me through it all....

Never again.

As of now my plans are to escape. From here on out I shall distance myself from those in my life who cause me heartache, frustration.... even my own family. I have never felt more distant from them. I find them choosing others to replace me in their lives... causing fights among themselves, making me a target from the long distance. One step closer to Florida.  My mentor teacher will not let me teach, to her I am just another body in the classroom, there to work for her, there to learn from her styles through means of book-led learning completely inside the box. Not once have I taught in a style the students enjoy without means of being interrupted. One step closer to Florida. I arrive home and only a select few in my chapter acknowledge that I have been gone. Others merely come closer and choose to personally attack me for my desire to help, disregarding everything I have ever given to the chapter. I seek comfort and receive none. One step closer to Florida.

When graduation comes, this state can kiss me goodbye. Forget me Ohio. I'm moving to Florida, where I was the happiest I'd ever been... where my family still loved me... where my sorority sisters missed me... and where I had a teaching experience of a lifetime. Until then, I face personal destruction. Frustration attacking me from all sides destroying the confidence I spent years building. I'm under attack.... with still 7 weeks to go until I can move out, move away, and start anew. 

One step closer to Florida.

Weeks Gone By

To think that it has already been three and half weeks doesn't seem realistic. So it's time to catch all of you up on what has been happening down here in Florida, and how I'm feeling about it all. Don't fret, this is not a tell all confession diary, but instead one of motivation. To motivate everyone to find a goal outside of their comfort zone and reach for it, because the impact that it may bring to your life is incredible.

The school is amazing. I feel as if this is one point that I continually say, but it is the truth. My mentor teacher has been really good for me. She is showing me tips and tricks on how to grade papers more efficiently, and what to look for in essays and reading content. Overall, I feel very fortunate for being given her as a mentor. We have very similar personalities, and it is refreshing to see an educator with a philosophy so close to mine. 

My students are hilarious as well. Every day is something a little different with them. Some classes are amazing, others I dread, and others still leave just bring their books and knowledge to the table. I think that is one aspect of Celebration High School that I really enjoy. They have such a diverse group of students, not only in their ethnic or socioeconomic backgrounds, but in the way they learn and how much help they need. Each class has a personality of it's own, in which some cases is good, and others bad. The only downside is seeing what a lazy group of students they are. I'm not trying to insult when I say this, in all truth, they are lazy. To give you an idea, only about 1/2 of the students turn in their assignments and homework, even when extension dates are given, or they are reminded on numerous occasions. I think that overall, there are close to 60-75 F's out of 128 students. That's not good at all. 

On the more positive side, outside of the classroom, I am in LOVE with Florida. It has truly changed my mindset from the "What if" mentality of the past to, "What could be" mentality of the future. I find myself changing my life plan to move here, and every day I'm here, that thought becomes less frightening and more welcoming. I find myself knowing that I would never be alone. I would know all of the host families, and their friends I have met and who have demonstrated much kindness to us interns. I would know my mentor teachers, and many of the other teachers in the English department at Celebration. Not to mention, the few relatives I have that live close to the area. It is slowly becoming a more realistic vision of me picking up my life and moving South. I continually replay the words that one supervisor from AU once spoke, "If you have the  opportunity to move, do it while you're young." I want to harness that advice.

Now I've save the best for last! All of the fun adventures we have set out for while in Florida. Thus far I have been to MGM, Epcot, Downtown Disney, CityWalk, the Disney Boardwalk, the Polynesian Resort, and gone for an air-boat ride. Sounds like fun, no? I'm loving the opportunities I've been given. It is so nice to be able to spend the weekends relaxing. I think thus far, my favorite has been Epcot. It is such an incredible park, so many cultures to learn about and travel through. And Hannah (my roommate) and I accomplished the entire park in one day. Which is an incredible feat. Riding on an air-boat was also something amazing. I've never been on one, let alone saw one outside of the television screen. We soared quickly through only a shallow one foot of water, pushed down the weeds in the swamp like it was nothing, and spotted gators and snakes throughout the journey. It was so different from anything I've ever done before, but it was worth the time and money to do. 

This week has marked the first week I've fully taken over my classroom. And this weekend will hopefully mark the adventures of Universal Islands of Adventure, springs in Florida, Animal Kingdom, and who knows what else!

Teaching Kiddos

This week marked the first time I taught in Celebration. All of my classes are 11th grade honors English, which is amazing when it comes to teaching. On Thursday (yesterday) I taught two periods. The class is just beginning the novel Beloved, which is a brutal and horrible depiction of the life of slavery through the eyes of an escaped slave.  The lesson that I taught was the first chapter and acted as an introduction to all of the characters for the students. I was incredibly happy, because I had the ability to observe my mentor teach the same lesson before I had the opportunity. 

Teaching the class was much different than I had expected. The students were very quiet, and the amount of questions they had was slim. This is unusual, because both periods that I taught were very talkative, and the first chapter of Beloved is incredibly confusing. The silence threw me for a loop, and unfortunately I ended the first period I taught eleven minutes early.... what an embarrassing moment for me. I was able to extend the second lesson a little longer, but specifically instructed the students to work on their homework until the bell rang. This policy worked well and many of them had half of their charts (homework for Monday) completed. 

Thursday night was absolutely magical. The interns gathered together and we traveled down to the Polynesian resort at Disney. We walked through the doors and it felt as if we were in a Hawaiian getaway, complete with tiki torches and Hawaiian type architecture. Out back we passed the pool with a volcanic looking stone feature built above it, to a white sand beach that overlooked a man made lake, surrounded by other Disney buildings that were lit in white Christmas lights. These other buildings included the Wedding Chapel, The Contemporary Resort, the Grand Floridian resort, and several others. But on the opposite side of the lake, just above the treetops, we could see the color changing night lights of Cinderella's castle. At 7:30pm the music began behind us and we laid on beach chairs as we watched the sky above the castle illuminate with fireworks. It was beyond magical.

The magic of last night, of staring out across the waters to a land of lights, surrounded by children whose dreams are coming true and of parents who are filled with joy is astounding. I could not help but think as the interns and I sat there that I wish I had chosen the twelve week internship. But the thing is, each of us are beginning to think that exact thing. There is something about this area, maybe it's Disney, maybe it's being away from home, maybe it's being somewhere new... but the point is there is something that draws me in. It feels like home, it feels like somewhere that I can honestly picture my future. That concept... it's comforting in a way, because up until this point my life after graduation was a complete blank. Slowly, the pieces of my life are falling in together, and I am able to see a life in Celebration. Who knows what else this journey may hold for me, but I look forward to each and every minute.

School Days

Today (Monday, 23) marked the first day of student teaching. Arriving at the school was simple, but figuring out who our mentor teacher's were, well that was a bit more complicated. It took a few phone calls and a few little meetings, but after weeks of waiting two names were given to us. The only downside, the other AU intern and I were forced to choose between the two who we wanted. But enough about this process, what is important is the school and how it differs from Ohio!

The high school is a mini-campus comprised of seven different buildings. Together they form an oblong oval shape around a concrete patio area. This is "the beach" or a common area for students to go in between classes or before the first bell of school. It is this way because there are no long hallways, but instead the entrances to different sections are from the outside. To get from the English section to the History section a student must go outside and enjoy the beautiful weather! It is quite a drastic change, but I think I like it.

On our final day of vacation, the other AU intern and I headed to downtown Disney. It was probably the best location I could think of to relax and enjoy the positive atmosphere before returning to teaching. Yes this happened yesterday (Sunday), but it was worth every minute. Now that vacation is over, I look forward to teaching 6 periods of 11th grade honors. I am very excited, yet at the same time, I know how much work it will be as well. Thank goodness I've read all the text before and now I can call on all that college education that I never thought I'd actually use ;)

First Weekend

This weekend was my first weekend in Celebration, Florida. Before I get to that, it is time for a weekend update.

Thursday - Thursday was one of the longest days. This was the day that I was to leave for Celebration, by car. Packed up the night before my dad and I jumped in the car and drove off at 6:00am, before the sun had even risen into the sky. It was peaceful for the most part. We traded on and off driving and sleeping. We watched the sun rise over the trees and escaped the North before a single drop of snow fell to the ground. We landed at Savannah, Georgia 13 hours later and crashed.

Friday - Although not quite as early, 7:30am we left again. We made it to Orlando, Florida by 1:30pm. I was incredibly nervous to meet my host family. The thought of living with people I had never met for 6 weeks was beyond nerve racking. After a long lunch we finally drove into Celebration. The town is absolutely stunning. The homes are as if a movie set pulled them directly from a story book. Each has the same white trim, each home in a different color, each with different pillars & patios & levels of flooring. It was picture perfect.

Friday Night - Then I met the family. I could not have felt more at home than if I were actually at home. The family that I am with is beyond incredible. The host mother is as welcoming and chipper as can be, and the host father, well he reminds me a lot of my dad. I now have one host sister & brother, both in high school, both with an amazing sense of humor. 

Saturday - Saturday is my first full day in Celebration. The other AU intern and I awoke to a knock on our door. Our host brother saying, "I bought you Chick Fil A for breakfast!" ((Let it be noted that the brother & sister are obsessed with Chick Fil A)). After breakfast we were taken on a bike ride through Celebration. The bike paths were carved through native plants, in what appeared to be a jungle of pine trees. We rode to the high school and then to downtown. It is the perfect blend of a big city and a small town. The big Orlando/Kissimmee city is only minutes away, but downtown makes you feel at home. People are fishing off the pier, others are sitting by the water and admiring the view, while others eat outside at restaurants and greeting passers by. 

Not every post will be this long. But now you have been caught up. Life has never looked so good.

The Night Before

I leave for Florida in less than 6 hours. Why am I awake, I don't know. There is a lot running through my mind right now, but I found a song that I believe encapsulates everything that it is. So enjoy a classic song and listen to the words. Every word is me, has been me for years.

Florida Prep

In one weeks time I will begin embarking on a journey of a lifetime. My entire career in education has led me to this point, the point of student teaching. For over a year I have been planning to leave the state of Ohio to accomplish this task, and through the growth of my character and the opportunities at my university, that dream is coming true! In only 7 days I will be leaving for the state of Florida to teach in the Celebration district. 

The idea of being a senior in my final semester of college is beyond surreal. It is hard for me to grasp the fact that in one week I am leaving for a place that could become my future employer. It is hard for me to understand that all of the work we have put in to countless papers, working on updating resumes, and playing secretary to mentor teachers in past experiences has finally come to the end. Everything has added up to this! Although there are a few loose ends to tie up here in Ohio, I am slowly beginning to embrace the endless possibilities of my future that await. And to think it shall all play out before May of this year. 

So with that now comes the answers to all of the questions. I will be traveling to Florida and staying with a host family from January 20 until March 3. We have been in contact and I could not be more excited to meet them. The last part of my student teaching will be done back near the university. Now comes the answer to the main question I've been asked : Do you hope to get a job in Florida? The answer is complicated. In many ways, yes I would absolutely love to teach down South as a part of my career. The area of Celebration is wonderful and many students have gotten teaching positions there, and they love every minute of it. The difficult part is leaving my friends and family from up North behind. It would be difficult, but the closer this experience gets, the more I feel a strong connection and pull from the South. 

But for now these are all future worries, and the answers will come soon enough along with gowns and tassels and diplomas. Until then I cannot wait to begin this journey. Follow me here to learn all about my experience, or I will have another blog later on provided by the university to follow as well. Student teaching 2012, final semester of Senior year, let's make it happen!

Truth be Told

It's as simple as  this:

"Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you've seen them or the amount of time since you've talked. It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something & wishing they were right by your side" - This feeling is true. 

When that moment occurred, I found this quote: "I miss you. Not in some cheesy, let's hold hands way. I just miss you. Plain and simple. I miss your presence in my life. I miss you always being there for me. I miss my best friend." - And always will. Someday, I pray our paths may cross once again. Maybe then that friendship can we begin again my best friend.

2000 Mistakes + 11

2011 has come and gone. Hello to the year 2012, the year my life changes entirely. In the year 2012 I will graduate college and become an entirely independent woman. It is strange to think that my entire life has built to lead me to this position in my life and it has finally arrived. 

As the new year begins it is important to reflect on the lessons of yester-year. So here is what 2011 has taught me, lessons that I will be certain to carry with me throughout my life.

1. Humility is important above all - Know when is appropriate to step forward and when to dial back.

2. Regret is a powerful emotion - Live life now. Live life without regrets, for it is a sensation stronger than any.

3. Patience is a process - Learning to manage to level of patience, learning to grow further each year.

4. Leadership is Unique - Take charge of your life and lead as an example to the younger generations.

5. Love. Love is not only that of a significant other, it's of friends, of family, of brothers & sisters, of mothers & fathers. Love abounds eternally.

So go forth. And let the new year ring in. Happy 2012 everyone. May it be a year that fills your lives with more happiness than ever before.