6/9/12

Peter Pan Syndrome


Second star to the right and straight on till morning. If only finding Neverland were so simple. It is difficult for me to understand how time has flown so quickly by, how in one moment I'm walking down the isle as a three year old flower girl and the next a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding. When did I grow up?

Age is simple when boiled down. Year by year we progress, move forward in our lives. Yet in this moment, the eve of a wedding, the actuality of age hits me. In one year I have left my University home, sought a full time career, prepared to buy an apartment, and witnessed (or will witness) the engagements and marriages of multiple friends. What ever happened to listening to boy bands or playing with dolls?

The future is exciting, in ways. I look forward to having a classroom of my own, and yet the uncertainty of not knowing every detail of life becomes a terror unlike anything I have ever faced. Whats more, the pressure of the future has left me in question. Not of my career, not of myself, but perhaps of ties in the past left loose without a proper ending. It becomes the question of "have I known the answer all along, yet was too blind to acknowledge the truth?" Perhaps the answer is yes, but then again that certainty will only come with time. Time and days gone by. Days gone by to months, then years. To think of growing up, of letting everything in my comfort zone dissipate.... it's the most terrifying and exciting sensation.

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