The Need for Independence

Four weeks. Days, months, years have passed and the schooling has come to an end. Nineteen years of education, twenty one years of life and the moment of graduation has finally arrived. Words of congratulations, whispers of the future; they try to tell me how to feel. How do I feel about graduation? Not even I am sure.

On the cliched graduate side, the need for freedom, the yearning to break free from the classroom walls is at my fingertips. I finally enter a world without professors lingering papers, without meetings and practices beckoning for my attendance. The opportunity to move out arises. Many new chances for freedom... and yet...

To leave a world that I have known for 19 years. To leave a place that I established as a home after 4 long years. To leave relationships to the dependence of communication from a distance. To leave ends untied, with lingering "what ifs". Two words enter my mind : heartbreaking & terrifying.  

I want to feel at ease, as though life will continually work to my benefit. To feel that this is the life I had always dreamed, where I can accomplish anything. Yet instead I'm left looking into a dark abyss, with no idea of what the future holds. 

One Step Closer

I couldn't be further from Florida. Geographically yes, but mentally I'm as distant as one could be. When I was in Florida for student teaching, I was the happiest I ever remember being in my life. Student teaching went so well, with a mentor I could relate to, a family who treated me like their own daughter, and a community that was so heartwarming and welcoming. 17 hours later and I've arrived in Ohio.... and all of that happiness, all of that peace of mind was left to dry out and wilt in the southern sunlight.

I find now that I am more frustrated... more willing to run away and never speak to my family again that I ever have been. For 21 years I lived a life knowing that they were there for me, that I was loved, that I was their child or sibling who would do anything for them. For 4 years in college I've been led to believe that student teaching would be the greatest and most rewarding experience in my life. For 2 years I believed my sorority sisters would be there to help me through it all....

Never again.

As of now my plans are to escape. From here on out I shall distance myself from those in my life who cause me heartache, frustration.... even my own family. I have never felt more distant from them. I find them choosing others to replace me in their lives... causing fights among themselves, making me a target from the long distance. One step closer to Florida.  My mentor teacher will not let me teach, to her I am just another body in the classroom, there to work for her, there to learn from her styles through means of book-led learning completely inside the box. Not once have I taught in a style the students enjoy without means of being interrupted. One step closer to Florida. I arrive home and only a select few in my chapter acknowledge that I have been gone. Others merely come closer and choose to personally attack me for my desire to help, disregarding everything I have ever given to the chapter. I seek comfort and receive none. One step closer to Florida.

When graduation comes, this state can kiss me goodbye. Forget me Ohio. I'm moving to Florida, where I was the happiest I'd ever been... where my family still loved me... where my sorority sisters missed me... and where I had a teaching experience of a lifetime. Until then, I face personal destruction. Frustration attacking me from all sides destroying the confidence I spent years building. I'm under attack.... with still 7 weeks to go until I can move out, move away, and start anew. 

One step closer to Florida.

Weeks Gone By

To think that it has already been three and half weeks doesn't seem realistic. So it's time to catch all of you up on what has been happening down here in Florida, and how I'm feeling about it all. Don't fret, this is not a tell all confession diary, but instead one of motivation. To motivate everyone to find a goal outside of their comfort zone and reach for it, because the impact that it may bring to your life is incredible.

The school is amazing. I feel as if this is one point that I continually say, but it is the truth. My mentor teacher has been really good for me. She is showing me tips and tricks on how to grade papers more efficiently, and what to look for in essays and reading content. Overall, I feel very fortunate for being given her as a mentor. We have very similar personalities, and it is refreshing to see an educator with a philosophy so close to mine. 

My students are hilarious as well. Every day is something a little different with them. Some classes are amazing, others I dread, and others still leave just bring their books and knowledge to the table. I think that is one aspect of Celebration High School that I really enjoy. They have such a diverse group of students, not only in their ethnic or socioeconomic backgrounds, but in the way they learn and how much help they need. Each class has a personality of it's own, in which some cases is good, and others bad. The only downside is seeing what a lazy group of students they are. I'm not trying to insult when I say this, in all truth, they are lazy. To give you an idea, only about 1/2 of the students turn in their assignments and homework, even when extension dates are given, or they are reminded on numerous occasions. I think that overall, there are close to 60-75 F's out of 128 students. That's not good at all. 

On the more positive side, outside of the classroom, I am in LOVE with Florida. It has truly changed my mindset from the "What if" mentality of the past to, "What could be" mentality of the future. I find myself changing my life plan to move here, and every day I'm here, that thought becomes less frightening and more welcoming. I find myself knowing that I would never be alone. I would know all of the host families, and their friends I have met and who have demonstrated much kindness to us interns. I would know my mentor teachers, and many of the other teachers in the English department at Celebration. Not to mention, the few relatives I have that live close to the area. It is slowly becoming a more realistic vision of me picking up my life and moving South. I continually replay the words that one supervisor from AU once spoke, "If you have the  opportunity to move, do it while you're young." I want to harness that advice.

Now I've save the best for last! All of the fun adventures we have set out for while in Florida. Thus far I have been to MGM, Epcot, Downtown Disney, CityWalk, the Disney Boardwalk, the Polynesian Resort, and gone for an air-boat ride. Sounds like fun, no? I'm loving the opportunities I've been given. It is so nice to be able to spend the weekends relaxing. I think thus far, my favorite has been Epcot. It is such an incredible park, so many cultures to learn about and travel through. And Hannah (my roommate) and I accomplished the entire park in one day. Which is an incredible feat. Riding on an air-boat was also something amazing. I've never been on one, let alone saw one outside of the television screen. We soared quickly through only a shallow one foot of water, pushed down the weeds in the swamp like it was nothing, and spotted gators and snakes throughout the journey. It was so different from anything I've ever done before, but it was worth the time and money to do. 

This week has marked the first week I've fully taken over my classroom. And this weekend will hopefully mark the adventures of Universal Islands of Adventure, springs in Florida, Animal Kingdom, and who knows what else!

Teaching Kiddos

This week marked the first time I taught in Celebration. All of my classes are 11th grade honors English, which is amazing when it comes to teaching. On Thursday (yesterday) I taught two periods. The class is just beginning the novel Beloved, which is a brutal and horrible depiction of the life of slavery through the eyes of an escaped slave.  The lesson that I taught was the first chapter and acted as an introduction to all of the characters for the students. I was incredibly happy, because I had the ability to observe my mentor teach the same lesson before I had the opportunity. 

Teaching the class was much different than I had expected. The students were very quiet, and the amount of questions they had was slim. This is unusual, because both periods that I taught were very talkative, and the first chapter of Beloved is incredibly confusing. The silence threw me for a loop, and unfortunately I ended the first period I taught eleven minutes early.... what an embarrassing moment for me. I was able to extend the second lesson a little longer, but specifically instructed the students to work on their homework until the bell rang. This policy worked well and many of them had half of their charts (homework for Monday) completed. 

Thursday night was absolutely magical. The interns gathered together and we traveled down to the Polynesian resort at Disney. We walked through the doors and it felt as if we were in a Hawaiian getaway, complete with tiki torches and Hawaiian type architecture. Out back we passed the pool with a volcanic looking stone feature built above it, to a white sand beach that overlooked a man made lake, surrounded by other Disney buildings that were lit in white Christmas lights. These other buildings included the Wedding Chapel, The Contemporary Resort, the Grand Floridian resort, and several others. But on the opposite side of the lake, just above the treetops, we could see the color changing night lights of Cinderella's castle. At 7:30pm the music began behind us and we laid on beach chairs as we watched the sky above the castle illuminate with fireworks. It was beyond magical.

The magic of last night, of staring out across the waters to a land of lights, surrounded by children whose dreams are coming true and of parents who are filled with joy is astounding. I could not help but think as the interns and I sat there that I wish I had chosen the twelve week internship. But the thing is, each of us are beginning to think that exact thing. There is something about this area, maybe it's Disney, maybe it's being away from home, maybe it's being somewhere new... but the point is there is something that draws me in. It feels like home, it feels like somewhere that I can honestly picture my future. That concept... it's comforting in a way, because up until this point my life after graduation was a complete blank. Slowly, the pieces of my life are falling in together, and I am able to see a life in Celebration. Who knows what else this journey may hold for me, but I look forward to each and every minute.

School Days

Today (Monday, 23) marked the first day of student teaching. Arriving at the school was simple, but figuring out who our mentor teacher's were, well that was a bit more complicated. It took a few phone calls and a few little meetings, but after weeks of waiting two names were given to us. The only downside, the other AU intern and I were forced to choose between the two who we wanted. But enough about this process, what is important is the school and how it differs from Ohio!

The high school is a mini-campus comprised of seven different buildings. Together they form an oblong oval shape around a concrete patio area. This is "the beach" or a common area for students to go in between classes or before the first bell of school. It is this way because there are no long hallways, but instead the entrances to different sections are from the outside. To get from the English section to the History section a student must go outside and enjoy the beautiful weather! It is quite a drastic change, but I think I like it.

On our final day of vacation, the other AU intern and I headed to downtown Disney. It was probably the best location I could think of to relax and enjoy the positive atmosphere before returning to teaching. Yes this happened yesterday (Sunday), but it was worth every minute. Now that vacation is over, I look forward to teaching 6 periods of 11th grade honors. I am very excited, yet at the same time, I know how much work it will be as well. Thank goodness I've read all the text before and now I can call on all that college education that I never thought I'd actually use ;)