One Step Closer

I couldn't be further from Florida. Geographically yes, but mentally I'm as distant as one could be. When I was in Florida for student teaching, I was the happiest I ever remember being in my life. Student teaching went so well, with a mentor I could relate to, a family who treated me like their own daughter, and a community that was so heartwarming and welcoming. 17 hours later and I've arrived in Ohio.... and all of that happiness, all of that peace of mind was left to dry out and wilt in the southern sunlight.

I find now that I am more frustrated... more willing to run away and never speak to my family again that I ever have been. For 21 years I lived a life knowing that they were there for me, that I was loved, that I was their child or sibling who would do anything for them. For 4 years in college I've been led to believe that student teaching would be the greatest and most rewarding experience in my life. For 2 years I believed my sorority sisters would be there to help me through it all....

Never again.

As of now my plans are to escape. From here on out I shall distance myself from those in my life who cause me heartache, frustration.... even my own family. I have never felt more distant from them. I find them choosing others to replace me in their lives... causing fights among themselves, making me a target from the long distance. One step closer to Florida.  My mentor teacher will not let me teach, to her I am just another body in the classroom, there to work for her, there to learn from her styles through means of book-led learning completely inside the box. Not once have I taught in a style the students enjoy without means of being interrupted. One step closer to Florida. I arrive home and only a select few in my chapter acknowledge that I have been gone. Others merely come closer and choose to personally attack me for my desire to help, disregarding everything I have ever given to the chapter. I seek comfort and receive none. One step closer to Florida.

When graduation comes, this state can kiss me goodbye. Forget me Ohio. I'm moving to Florida, where I was the happiest I'd ever been... where my family still loved me... where my sorority sisters missed me... and where I had a teaching experience of a lifetime. Until then, I face personal destruction. Frustration attacking me from all sides destroying the confidence I spent years building. I'm under attack.... with still 7 weeks to go until I can move out, move away, and start anew. 

One step closer to Florida.